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I know everyone's individual situation is different, so I can only write from my heart, here goes!!!
I’ve always known that it’s not all about the father handing over money or the mother threatening the father that he can’t see his child, as the child won’t grow up to say "daddy never gave me no money", he will just grow up to say "daddy was never around, and daddy didn’t spend time with me"! to all the mothers out there that use their child as a weapon against the father, id just like to say it’s not right, and it mentally has long term effects on the child. A child needs both parents to be stable, and if the Father is of sound mind and is a positive role model for that child then what harm can it be to the child.
It’s not always about the money, don’t get me wrong a child cannot live on fresh air, but as long as both parents are doing their best to raise that child financially and mentally, and giving that child all the love he/she needs, then the end results will be a healthy, happy child. For all those parents who are working together as a team whether they are together or not I say give yourselves a pat on the back, cos sometimes it so hard to separate how you feel about your ex and realise that the child you have created together is far more important!!!
I could go on forever but short and sweet, the child you have created together comes first, its needs are far greater than our own!!
Lorraine Cato
My name is Ethan and I’m nearly 9 years old and I live with my mummy. The last time I saw my dad was before my last birthday, I was shopping with my mum and we walked past him. My dad has never called me or taken me out. I don't see my dad at Christmas or on my birthdays, I’m not sure he remembers my birth date.
My dad does not know what school I go to or what level at reading i am. I'm now on Gold level, mummy says this is very good. And I can write joined up. I love my mum so much because she is always there, she comes to my parent evenings. And trys to get to my sport days. I love mummies cooking, she always cooks and takes me to karate.
My mum says that I have brothers and sisters, but I don't see them. And I wish I could see them to play with. but mummy don't know where they live.
Why did my dad want me??
I'm my dad's 1st son, I call my dad Andre. And he calls me Bubba. I don't like it anymore, I’m a big boy. I'm very lucky to have my mummy and my uncles, Uncle Junior and Uncle Allan B, Uncle junior helps me with my home work, and my uncle Allan plays football, and I play it too. Uncle Allan got my 1st mobile at Christmas. I'm lucky to have my uncles, but why don't my daddy want to spend time with me.
Ethan Yusef Bryan (Age 8)
I was with my ex-girlfriend for just under six years. I'm not going to lie, some of it was good and some of it was bad but if I'm honest, I don't really know why we broke up. I guess we just drifted separate ways. We have a child aged 2 who I love and adore. I was there at his birth and done all the typical daddy stuff. I bought all the things for his nursery room and even decorated the whole room myself even though I've never lifted up a paint brush in my life...ha ha! When we first broke up everything was fine as it was a mutual separation. I used to go to their house all the time and take Amari (My son) out to see my side of the family all the time. I spent all my time with him as I wanted to make sure that i played an active part in hi life as I never knew my father. I still gave her money each week and every time he needed anything, all she had to do was ask and I'd find a way to get it. After a year or so of separating i started dating my current girlfriend and everything went crazy.
She stopped me from seeing Amari and even though I was giving her money she called the CSA on me to try and mess me up. Funny tho coz she ended up getting less then i was giving her. She started calling my phone and hanging up and preading malicious rumours about me, telling people that i ran off and left her and I’ve never done a thing for my son etc.
I haven't seen Amari for over 7 months now and I've just filed papers to take her to court for visitation. My name is on his Birth Certificate so I guess that counts for something. All I want to do is be there for my son and continue being the father I was. It's so painful. I miss him like hell and I know he misses me too.
Stefan (Age 28)
Well where do I start?
I have been a Father to my only daughter from conception to the day she was born. I believe I was an above average partner who worked hard and also ran a sound system to try to make ends meet. I was always portrayed as a villain and a Casanova by my family (yes my family). In fact my sister, because of her own experiences with the father of her son and our father, told the mother of my child to split up with me as we were hurting each other and I'd never change. I was shocked and had to 'just get over it.' Everyone in my family, except my father, turned their back on me.
Unbelievably she claimed that all the mother of my child wanted was a mixed raced child and it was for the best. Allegedly, she was only looking out for me.
Things went wrong between me and my daughter’s mother when my daughter was around the age of 5.My daughters mother was offered a transfer from a tower block to a house in Croydon. When we eventually got the new place, she also decided to get a new boyfriend. She had gotten over me and there weren't any memories in the new house. Her new partner was actually a man that used to work for me and he had the audacity to ask me’ why I keep coming round the house?’ as if it was his house. I told him I didn't need to explain my movements to him. His torment grew and he eventually tried to attack me in front of my daughter. He then ran into the house as if he was going to get a weapon, and returned pushing me in my chest. I restrained myself and said 'you can talk as much as you want, you're with the mother of my child, why do you wanna fight me?' He said 'don't you ever come round here again'
I mean he's got the woman, if anyone should want to fight, it should be me....right!??
The mother of my child restrained my daughter and locked her in the kitchen. I warned her boyfriend 'never touch me and told them to let my daughter out of the house' I called my brother for some support and his first response was 'what did you do?' This was because of the way the mother of my child and my sister had portrayed me to be. All I wanted to do was to take my take my daughter to dinner. This is just one of many problems I've had. The new boyfriend is abusive and aggressive towards my daughter and her mum thinks she deserves it. At present I'm preparing a better future for my daughter. Unbelievably she has survived the negativity, still has an amazing character and is doing well in school.
No fighting lies
DG.
I was with my baby mother for nearly 10 years and at which time we had a two year old son together. We broke up due to the fact that I was unfaithful to her. At the time of our break up she found out that she was pregnant again. I asked her if she wanted us to try again for the sake of our children but she said no as she could never trust me again. We put our issues aside and did what was best for our children. Just after the birth of our daughter I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, I am still going through tests now to see how this all come about. Obviously I am pissed that I now have this condition as I can’t work, drive etc…. but worse still she won’t let me have my children unless I’m chaperoned. Fine, I’ll do whatever she wants as long as I get time to spend with my children. During the summer of this this year I found out she has a new man but this doesn’t bother me as long as he looks out for my kids. Since her new man has come on board she has tried to cut me out of the kids life. I think he might feel threatened. She keeps on using my illness as a reason for me not seeing them, when before it wasn’t a problem!?! She won’t let me go to see him at his Karate lessons no more as she says he might get embarrassed in front of the other children if I have a seizure. I told her that we should teach our son/daughter how to deal with my condition and not to be afraid or embarrassed of it. Subsequently he passed his grading and I didn’t even get to see it!!!
I know I was wrong in having the affair in the beginning but this should not have a bearing on whether I get to spend time with my kids as she knows how much i adore them. I will continue to keep trying to be in their lives.
Paulo Clark
A father and his children's relationship needs to be active, existent and strong. In my case I have a beautiful daughter. For instance, you always hear the term 'daddy's girls' and thank the lord, people around can genuinely call my daughter a 'daddy's girl'. I was there talking to her every night when she was in the womb, when she popped out screaming in St Thomas Hospital and still talk to her today as if she's an adult at 3 years of age. She is totally aware of the love she receives from not just me but her whole family around her and acknowledges it. The love can’t be described and will never die, my motivations everyday to succeed when I wake up is all for her. Fathers you need to stay close with your children, they didn't ask to be here so just be there for them 100% forever and ever...Amen'.
Mr Dagz (G-ents & Dizzleworkz promotions)
Well I’m a father of 4 to 3 different mothers. Two of my oldest are boys and I have two daughters, my oldest son is now 17 years old and has chosen at this age to come and live with me. I welcomed him with opened arms. I have all of my children every other weekend and they all love each other. I show them the right way the best that i can. All three of the mothers get along. They have never had disputes because I do not lie to them or carry news about any of them .Its all about living good. To all the fathers out there who don't make an attempt to contact their children because of their baby mother stopping them, take it to another level and get some kind of access through the courts. Those who think they have nothing financially to give, as a reason to stay away....show your face at least. Its better that your child not knows you. Swallow your pride and fix up!
Mark Bennet |
....a mothers message!
......Four Children....Three mothers!